Wednesday, July 02, 2008

a valuable lesson learnt

well.. yesterday's gems was great!
i learnt quite a lot though some of which i dont really know how to put it down in words but deep down, i know it made an impact on me.

we were on the topic of attachment in a relationship yesterday.
there are basically 3 types of people in general.
a) someone who finds it relatively easy to get close to others and is comfortable having depend on them and having them depend on him/her. one who does not get worried about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to him/her.
b) someone who feels uncomfortable being close to others and finds it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow him/herself to depend on them.
c) someone who finds others reluctant to get as close as he/she would like. he/she often worry that his/her partner doesn’t really love him/her.

she said it is the nature of each individuals and its okay for us to have this kind of character but what matters most is we are AWARE of it.
she taught us how different combinations of the types and what we should do to build it well.
i feel i learnt alot and i can actually apply this to my relationship with poo.
for me and poo, im more of type C while he more of type B.
by seeing the descriptions, it would seem like its totally oppose each other.
yes it does and when i saw this, i started questioning myself.
however, what the teacher said makes sense.
any combinations will work out as long as we are aware of ourselves and our partners.
for example in my case, i love to feel loved and have a sense of security while poo loves to have freedom. what we should do is to be aware and complement each other.
he in away stop running and me stop chasing. i giving him breathing space and he giving me sense of security.
in this way, we will both learn to appreciate each other and will have a stable relationship.
this is what we are already working towards and what we learnt made us more affirmed about it.

one other thing that i learnt is the 3Vs that will make an impact in a relationship and their percentage as shown.
The verbal is the message – the words you say. (7%)
The vocal is your voice – the tonality, pitch, pace, and rhythm of voice. (38%)
The visual is what people see – your facial expression and body language. (55%)

by knowing how each of the 3Vs weighs, we can once again apply it to ourselves.
for my case, poo poo is bad at controlling his tone and it is what always make me boil when we argue. and for me, it is my facial expression im bad at, always giving him that sad face which in turn made him more angry as well.
thus, knowing and be aware of what we are bad at, we can change and make a difference! (:

after learning and knowing this much, i feel relieved that i know it now when we are still building our relationship.
coz this will make us learn and be more aware of each other and be more understanding.
this way, it makes it worthwhile coz we know that we are building the future.

poo poo we are making progress so far and im happy.
let's continue to work hand in hand and apply what we learnt in gems k?
you doing your part and me doing mine. <3