Wednesday, May 13, 2009

the quietness at night gives me peace.
it gives me the right mood to reflect, to think and just to relax and read.
that's why i enjoy being up at night, just like most of us.
when i cant sleep, i surf around, read a book or just chat with friends until i feel tired.

well, honestly i think last night was one of my worst nights so far.
that i go to bed in pain, both emotionally and physically.

just wanna tell you how i feel,

i know that you are concerned.
that you are afraid that i have not enough sleep and might fall sick.
yes, i see that point.
but why cant we just communicate without violence?
why cant you listen to my explaination?
plus it was not very late at that time.

i was thinking thru about that after what happened.
i wondered if telling you or sharing everything to you was actually good.
i thought that being honest or being open about everything is good.
but i realised, perhaps if i didnt tell you that i was talking to my friend til 3 plus the other night, you wouldnt have nagged me to go to bed earlier coz you wouldn't have known.
and it is not every night that i go to bed that late.
instead, i've been going to bed earlier than before.
maybe it's coz you are in bed much earlier, to you it's really very late.
the thing is, even if i go to bed early, i cant sleep.
i dont know how to make you understand what i mean and im tired of explaining coz i know if i were to tell you, it's just gonna make matters worse so i decided to keep quiet.
but im really not happy.
do you rather i lie to you?
like going to bed very early like you want but im actually not sleeping coz i cant sleep.
i dont want to lie.

i know you care and i understand.
i will sleep early but i cant sleep that early like you want me to.
and i hope you understand my point.

a bruised ear and a broken heart. =((((


dear Lord, I have always been able to forgive.
I pray Lord that You grant me a forgiving heart this time and that You will heal my ear as well as the pain in my heart.
I feel hurt, O Lord and I pray that You will take away this pain and make me happy again.
I pray all these in Jesus's most precious name, amen! (: